Big Time Life
by Cwalk
Summary: James is feeling sick and is taken to the hospital where he is told he has cancer but when the tests show something different the lives of Big Time Rush are going to change forever.
1. Chapter 1

Gah! Something is diffidently wrong in the universe when Cuda makes me puke! I had just spent the last five minutes over the toilet puking my guts out. For the last three days whenever the smell reaches my nose it is a race to the toilet. And that's not the worst part. Most of it is just the dry heaves because I haven't been able to keep anything down in almost a week and I think it's starting to show.

I quickly shower again so I wouldn't smell like Cuda all day, there's something I never thought I would hear me say. I realize after I am done I have a deodorant problem. All mine are Cuda and well Cuda makes me vomit. God I will never get used to that! I guess I will have to use one of the guys's. Ha thank God Logan uses this environmentally safe crap that has like no smell but masks his nasty B.O. Honesty if Logan doesn't shower daily he reeks.

The next problem is my hair because once again all Cuda. And I can't use Logan's because is only works for short hair like his and the same with Carlos'. And Kendall, well I wouldn't even if he did use hair care products. I guess I have no choice but to go all natural. Which means if it gets to hot my hair will frizz out.

"James are you coming man?" Logan asks popping his head in the bathroom "We have to be at the studio in like twenty minutes."

"Yeah I am almost ready," I say quickly applying eye liner. I watched in the mirror as Logan rolled his eyes and walked away.

"Dude I am grabbing a pop tart. You want?" Logan asks from the kitchen. I walk out of the bathroom just as he is grabbing his from the toaster.

"No I am good," I say sitting down at the counter across from Logan. He is not even half way through the first one when the sugary strawberry smell hits me. I practically jump over the counter making a B-line to the bathroom across the small kitchen. I lunge to the toilet, barely making it before I puck. Which I didn't know was possible I thought I had emptied my stomach earlier. Logan kneels next to me, rubbing my back gently. I rest my head on the toilet seat, gross I know but I was too exhausted to move.

"Dude are you okay?" he asks continuing rubbing small circles on my back.

"I don't know," I say honestly, turning my head to look up at him "The smell of the Pop Tart got to me."

"Come on man," he says helping me lean back against the wall, "Deep breaths." I did as he said as he got up and went over to the sink. He came back and placed a cold washcloth against my forehead.

"Thanks," I mumble "I don't know what wrong with me Logan. This has been happening all week. I can't keep anything down and the most random smells make me sick. I can't even wear Cuda!"

"Wow you are sick," he says whipping down my neck with the wet cloth "Maybe I should call Gustavo and tell him we are going to the doctor."

"No," I say shaking my head "I will be ok. It's probably just a bug or something."

"James you just said you have been puking all week," he says "that's not normal."

"Logan I will be ok," I say trying to reassure him, "We can't miss rehearsal." We were going to perform on The Tyra Banks Show in a week and we needed to practice.

"James," he says shaking his head.

"Logan," I say cutting him off "if I am still not feeling ok by tomorrow I will go willingly to the doctor." I waited for Logan to consider this. I know he was thinking about how stubborn I am and how it would be easier to have me go willingly then have to drag me.

"Promise?" he asks making up his mind.

"Promise," I say, thankful he is letting it go for now. "Let's get going. Where are Carlos and Kendall?"

"They already left," he says heading for the door "They had to do something I guess." And with that Logan and I made our way to the studio, riding in silence the whole way. Carlos and Kendall did in fact beat us there.

"Dogs! You're late!" Gustavo yells as soon as we run into the dance studio.

"I know, my alarm didn't go off," Logan says covering for me. By the look Carlos and Kendall exchanged I guessed they knew it was a lie. "I'm sorry Gustavo."

"Well don't let it happen again," he said then turned to the entire group "Now I think you dogs should do Forget About You on the Tyra Show."

"Gustavo," I groaned "don't you think we have kind of over done that song?"

"NO!" he shouted "It's a fan favorite and those fans are gonna be watching the Tyra Show to see you guys perform it! Now move!" we all got into position and Gustavo started the music.

"_Get a call on a random afternoon, I pick it up and I see that it's you,_" Kendall sang "_Like my heart, you were breaking the news, As you say that it's over, it's over, it's over._" I hate this song, another way for me to be reminded that he is Jo's and not mine. "_Heading out 'cause I'm out of my mind. All my friends are gonna see me tonight. Staying here until the sun starts to rise. I'm know I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna,_" I can feel the blood beginning to pound in my head and my legs are feeling a little wobbly.

"_Dance hard, laugh hard,_" just as we started jumping that's when everything went black and the next thing I remember is someone slapping my face. When I open my eyes I see it's Carlos who is slapping me.

"Dude are you okay?" he asks not realizing he is still slapping my face.

"What happened?" I ask pushing his hand away.

"You passed out," says Logan who is also kneeling next to me along with Kelly and Gustavo. "You hit your head pretty hard."

"Oh that explains the headache," I say rubbing my head, "Where's Kendall?" I can't see him anywhere.

"He is showing the paramedics up," Kelly says.

"What?" I say sitting up a little too quickly. Everything started to blur and I felt unstable again. Luckily Logan and Carlos grabbed me and eased me back down. "I don't need any paramedics."

"Dude you passed out," Carlos shrugs "we didn't know what else to do."

"Yeah and you said you've been sick all week," Logan says "It wouldn't hurt to go and get checked out." As much as I hated to admit it Logan was right, well partially. If I go the Doctor will say it's just the flu and then everyone will quit pestering me.

"And you're not going back to that Dr. Hollywood," Kelly says, she hasn't like him since the time he wanted to kill me to cure my sneezing, "My brother just transferred from Boston so you are going to him." Right then Kendall came back into the room with the paramedic's right behind him. They rushed over, shoeing everyone out of the way so they could work. They asked me the usual questions, name, date, birthday. I always have hated how every time a new paramedic takes over they ask you the same things. Against my protesting they loaded me onto the stretcher and carried me out.

To add insult to injury all the Rocque Records employees stopped and watched as I was wheeled out and what was worse there were a handful of paparazzi waiting outside for me. Great any guess whose face is gonna be all over the internet. They get me all loaded up and are closing the doors when a hand catches one of them preventing it to close. The hand proceeded to open the door and I saw that it belonged to Kendall. Kendall jumped in without a word and came up and sat next to me. He reached out and for a moment I thought he was going to hold my hand but he pulled his hand away and neither of us said anything the whole way to the hospital.

Once there Kendall is told to wait out in the waiting area while the look me over. I willingly let them do their normal poking and probing and answering their questions. A tall black man wearing a white lab coat and stethoscope, whom I assumed was Kelly's brother, came in and talked to a nurse over by the door before coming over to me.

"James Diamond?" he asks looking over a chart a nurse had just handed him before smiling up at me, "I'm Dr. Wainwright. It says here you passed out?"

"Yeah that's what everyone is telling me," I say while he checks my eye dilation "One minute I was fine, rehearsing for a show and then I felt light headed and the next thing I know I am looking up at the ceiling."

"Someone said you have been sick for awhile. How so?" he asks moving on to my limp nodes.

"Just nauseous," I say "and tired I guess."

"You guess?" he asks giving me a look.

"I just don't seem to have much energy," I say rolling my eyes.

"Okay that's better," he says scribbling down "How long have you been feeling nauseous?"

"I don't know, about a week. Maybe a little bit longer," I answer watching him continue to write. Nothing is more annoying than when doctors nod and write.

"You're heart rate is a little irregular. I want take your blood and run some test. And I want you to stay the night too."

"Do you have to?" I ask "I'm not a big fan of needle."

"I am afraid so," he says apologetic "I just want to make sure everything checks out okay. Rule out all possibilities."

"But it's probably just the flu right?" I ask getting more nervous than I know I should be.

"It could be," he says finally finishing writing and handing the clipboard off to a nurse. "Now Sheryl here is going to take your blood and then get you set up for the night." With that he walked out leaving me with Sheryl. After she took my blood like promised she took me to a room on the other side of the hospital where she gave me one of those annoying hospital gowns that never stay closed. Thankfully I am able to keep my boxers on. When I came out of the bathroom Kendall was sitting in one of the two arm chairs. His eyes met mine and looked like he was about to say something but as he was opening his mouth Carlos and Logan came in.

"Dude!" Carlos yells rushing over to me with Logan hot on his heels. Both of my friends rapped me in an extremely uncomfortable hug. "Are you ok?"

"What did the doctors say?" asks Logan pulling back.

"Not much," I respond unsuccessfully trying to push Carlos off of me. The guy has a serious death grip. "They are doing some blood test now." Finally Carlos let go allowing me to breathe again.

"You let them stick you with a needle?" Carlos asks astounded. "Dude you hate needles!"

"Yeah I know but I didn't have much of a choice in the matter," I say sitting down on the bed.

"Did they say what could be wrong?" Logan asks sitting down next to me.

"No the doctor just said that my heart rate was a little high," I say looking over at Kendall who still hasn't said anything at all. He is just sitting over there and his face is totally unreadable which sort of freaks me out.

An hour and a half past by and within this time Logan and Carlos had comforted me and fought with each other for twenty minutes before Logan went to get me some water and Carlos sat down next to Kendall and flipped the TV on. Mama Knight and Katie came in and Mrs. K imminently started babying me by making me lie back, tucking me in, and sent Kendall out to fetch more blankets incase I needed them, who still hadn't said anything. He hasn't even made eye contact with me since right before Logan and Carlos came in. All in all it seemed pass by in a blur. The Dr. Wainwright finally came in looking very grim.

"May I have a moment alone with James please," he asks everyone, all of whom look as if they are going to put up the fight of their lives.

"It's okay they can stay," I say in hopes to avoid the argument that was about to endure by the looks on all of my friends faces. "I'm just going to tell them anyways."

"Alright then," Dr. Wainwright says "everything checked out okay except your hCG levels are abnormally high."

"What?" shouted Mrs. K and Logan together both looking like they just got hit over the head.

"What is hCG?" I ask totally confused. I wish doctors could just speak English.

"Human chorionic gonadotrophin is a hormone that a woman's body releases when she is pregnant," Logan answers still staring at the doctor.

"But I am a dude," I tell him just in case after all those tests he couldn't tell I am definitely not a girl.

"I am aware of that," Dr. Wainwright says "but the normal levels of hCG in a man is 0-5 IU/ml. and yours are 7,340 IU/ml."

"What does that mean?" Mama Knight asks coming over to me and putting her arms around me.

"Well," he says choosing his words carefully "I at this point I would say it is Seminoma."

"Cancer!" Logan asks shouting. At this Kendall jumped to his feet. The first time I had seen him move without his mom sending him on errands.

"What?" I shout "I can't have cancer!"

"James honey just calm done and listen to the doctor," Mama Knight says rubbing my arms.

"I am just saying it is a possibility. If it is very curable with a 95% survival rate," says Doctor Wainwright.

"By cutting his nut off!" Logan shouts.

"WHAT?" I scream jumping up and out of Mrs. K's embrace. "There is NOWAY that is happening!"

"Well we still need to take you to do a couple more tests just to make sure," Dr. Wainwright says trying to calm me down. God I didn't want one of my nuts chopped off! This can't be happening to me! I am James Diamond! Pop star! Pop stars don't get cancer!

"Okay," I say "Let's get this over with. Logan will you come?"

"Sure thing man," Logan says coming to stand next me. I was wheeled down to an exam room and laid there quietly holding Logan's hand as they did their examination. They gave me a shot of morphine to help relax me and ease any pain. My eyes got heavier until I slipped off to sleep, dreaming of a day five weeks ago.

FLASHBACK

"Hey I'm back!" I announced as I came back into 2J from a full day of shopping. Camille and I decided to have a "girls" day and let's just say the Los Angeles Mall had benefited greatly from it. After eleven trips to the car and a nice Chinese dinner we called it a day. I dropped my bags on the counter before grabbing myself a bottled water out of the fridge and I smelled something strangely familiar but I couldn't put my figure on it. I look around and over on the couch I see Kendall all slouched over and I went to investigate. "Kendall?"

"Mhmm," is all he offered up. In his right hand he was holding an empty bottle of Jack Daniels. Sense coming to L.A. we all kind of took to the occasional drink but this was only 8:30 for crying out loud!

"Kendall," I said lapping his face a little "Kendall." His eyes eventually fluttered open and it took him a minute or so to focus in on the room. His eyes finally found my face and I could see recognition finally set in.

"God James," he groaned attempting to push me away "Why'd you wake me up?"

"Because I wanted to make sure you weren't dead," I responded sarcastically "Kendall it's too early for you to be this shit faced. Where are Logan and Carlos?"

"Camping at Venice Beach with some kids," he mumbled. I picked up the empty bottle and when I reach over to set it on the table I laid eyes on an ash tray holding joint butts and the mystery of the strange smell was solved.

"Kendall where the hell did you get pot?" I shouted.

"Guitar dude," he replied with a sheepish grin.

"Kendall do you know what drug use can do to our career?" I asked. The smile vanished and was replaced with a dark glare.

"You mean what it can do you YOUR career," he snapped bitterly "That is all anyone cares about around here is their "career"" he air quoted "First Jo and now you. My best friend. My Jamie." The last was said with him pouting.

"First off," I said grabbing his chin to make sure he was looking at me "I am doing this because I care about you. Do I have to remind you of what happened to Mary Kay? Or Lindsey? What about Paris Hilton? Huh? The press would have a fucking field day and Gustavo would have your ass. Second what happened with Jo?" His eyes glazed over and that stupid irresistible smile returned.

"You care about me?" he asked. God this is gonna take forever I thought.

"Yes I care about you Kendall. You're my best friend," I said. I could've sworn that that smile got a little bit brighter, "But what happened with Jo?"

"Oh we had a fight," he said mopping again "It was about Jett. Again. I said things, she said things, and I said maybe she should date Jett and she said maybe she should. And the rest is a wonderfully drunken blur."

"Kendall this isn't the way to deal with it," I said pointing to the bottle and joint butts.

"You're right," he said sitting up and scooting a little closer, eyes bighting up with an idea. He stared twirling a lock of my hair in his fingers.

"Kendall what are you doing," I asked not entirely sure where this was going.

"Dealing with it," he said getting even closer, sliding his other hand up and down my arm. I had to catch my breath, I have always liked Kendall every since when we were in kindergarten and he punched a sixth grader that was making fun of me. That day I knew he was my knight in shining armor. No pun intended.

"This is a mistake," I whisper as he laced his fingers through my hair and pulling me closer still. I closed my eyes because I knew if I looked into those pleading green eyes I would give in. God I wanted this but I couldn't let him do something he would regret as soon as he woke up.

"The mistake is that I didn't do this sooner," he whispered back, we are now so close our noses are touching. At that moment I feel in love with Eskimo kisses.

"You're going to regret this Kendall," I said, as hard as I tried not to cry I could feel the sharp burn of tears in the corner of my eyes.

"James," he said placing a soft kiss on my lips and a single tear escaped "James, open your eyes." I tried to tell myself "no" to will my eyes to stay shut forever or at least until I felt his forehead leave mine. But having a mind of their own my eyes slowly opened and I saw those beautiful green eyes so full of want and need. "I won't regret this. Promise." And as if he sensed my reluctance about to break he added, "I need this."

"Okay," I said fully aware I was setting myself up for heartbreak. He kissed me again but longer and deeper. We both put something different into the kiss, his kiss was full of need and a search for comfort and mine was a kiss of love and desire. I had dreamt of this sense forever. His hands found their way under my shirt, exploring my stomach. He pushed me back onto the couch, deepening our kiss. I welcomed his tongue eagerly.

Kendall tasted way better than I ever could have imagined, even with the taste of Jacks and pot I could still taste his cinnamon toothpaste. He started rubbing against me and I could feel he was already just has hard as I was. I wasn't a virgin so I wasn't really afraid of what was going to come next, just a little nervous because I could tell just by him rubbing against me he was pretty thick. My hand had found its way to under his waistband. I rapped my hand around his cock which earned me a soft gasp. Kendall sat up and I was afraid he realized what was going on and was going to run away. But he just smiled down at me as he pulled my shirt off. He sat there for a moment admiring my washboard abs and toned chest with his eyes, fingers tracing it. He pulled his shirt off next, discarding it with mine before coming back in for another kiss. I rapped my legs around him as he picked me up and carried me to his room. He made quick work of the remainder of our clothes.

Naked Kendall was the most stunning thing I had ever seen. His body wasn't as toned as mine but still very impressive. And as my eyes trailed down I was right about him being thick, and long too. Even after seeing him in swim trunks and boxers for years I never would have guessed he would be this big. He may be the biggest guy I had ever been with.

"James," he said stunned, breaking me out of my trance. I looked up and saw he is just as mesmerized with me as I was with him. "You are so beautiful. Just… perfect." I felt my checks burn under his gaze. He got on the bed and crawled on top of me, kissing his way back up to my lips. Our tongues went into a battle for dominance, fighting each other so one could explore the other. Our hands worked on their own now, touching every inch of each other's body. His hands felt like fire on my skin and I wouldn't be surprised if he left scorch marks. He spread my legs and pushed my knees up. One hand left me and I remember hearing the nightstand drawer open and him fumbling around. After a minute of his hand being absent Kendall pulled away and looked in the drawer. "Shit!" he exclaimed sitting back disappointed.

"What?" I ask propping myself up on my elbows.

"I am out of condoms," he said "I used the last one up on my last date with Jo and I forgot to pick up more." My mind raced over what to do. I always had had safe sex, my dad pounded that into my head enough that it stuck. But this was Kendall and I was sure he would have told me if he had something. And I am sure Jo isn't the kind of girl to cheat. But Kendall is technically cheating now, or is he? Does that fight count as a break up? But if we stopped I may never get this chance again. And it's not like I could get pregnant from this or anything.

"It's ok," I said making up my mind "We can go without."

"Are you sure?" he asked. I nodded pulling him back down for a kiss. He pulled back again but this time he grabbed lube.

"Let me," I said taking the lube from him. I poured a big glob in my hand and started coating his thick shaft. As I worked him over he moaned with pleasure, and when I had him lubed up enough I let go and pulled him back for a kiss. God I will never get used to his kisses. He lifted my legs up and positioned himself at my entrance. It felt like I waited an eternity before I felt him slowly push inside. Only his head was in and I was already stretched farther than I had ever been.

"Mhmm," I moaned "keep going." Kendall pushed farther inside and we repeated that twice more before he was all the way in. He waited a couple minutes so I could adjust and he leaned down, playing with my neck. He drove me wild bighting and sucking, and I never knew that nibbling earlobes could be such a fucking turn on. Slowly he began moving in and out, in and out. I moaned to signal for him to go faster, to which he eagerly complied. Soon we got into a good rhythm. He dug his fingernails into my hips as he pounded into me making me arch my back. I knew I wasn't going to last long, he was hitting my sweet spot right on. "Kendall…" I started.

"I know," he moaned "I am close too." Twenty seconds later I was at my max, I cried out as splattered us both with cum. I felt his cock swell and I knew he was about to blow. He slammed into me one last time, throwing his head back in ecstasy as he completely filled me with his hot seed. When he was all finished he collapsed on top of me, head on my chest. We laid there like that completely out of breath until he rolled off and pulled me into his arms. He fell asleep stroking my hair. There was no way of undoing what had just happened and no way of preventing his freak out. I decided not to think of it now, to enjoy the rest of my afterglow. With my head on his chest I fell asleep listening to his steady heart beat, with his arms still wrapped around me.

When I woke up the next morning Kendall was gone. No note, no message of any kind. I threw his sheets in the wash before taking a shower. I examined the damage on my body, only to find little bruise and the nail marks he left on my hips.

Kendall never came home until long after Carlos and Logan were home, going straight to his room.

END FLASHBACK

I woke up alone back in my hospital room feeling sore in some unmentionable places. It was dark outside so I must have been out for hours. I'm not awake long before Kendall comes in.

"Never could handle you morphine well," he jokes walking over to me.

"What time is it?" I ask still pretty groggy from the morphine.

"About nine," he says sitting down on the bed "Mom sent Katie home with Carlos and Logan while she goes and gets your dad from the airport."

"My dad's coming?"

"Dude he's your dad," Kendall says taking my hand.

"What are you doing Kendall?" I ask pulling my hand away.

"Doing what?" he asks, hurt.

"You have been avoiding me sense well since that night," I say before being shushed by Kendall.

"James look," he says glancing at over his shoulder to make sure no one is coming in "I'm with Jo alright." I knew those words were coming but they are still like a dagger in my heart. I mentally curse myself for saying yes because I knew this would happen. I knew he would go back to Jo.

"I know," I whisper unsuccessfully holding back tears. The more I cry the more embarrassed I got from crying in front of him and the more embarrassed I became the more I cry.

"If I could take back that night I would," he says whipping away tears "But not because I regret it. But because of how I hurt you."

"You don't regret we had sex," I sobbing looking at him threw blurry eyes.

"I regret we changed our friendship," he says getting up on the bed and pulling me into his arms. "You are my best friend James."

"Maybe we are supposed to be more," I mumbled into his chest.

"Go to sleep James," he kisses the top of my head.


	2. Chapter 2

"James, James wake up," my dad said waking me up. The first thing I noticed was that Kendall was gone, again. The second was that it was day.

"What time is it?" I groggily asked. The spot where had Kendall been was still warm indicating that he had stayed the whole night. "Where is Kendall?"

"It's almost noon," he said pushing my hair back. I guess you could say I got my hair obsession him. Actually I got a lot of things from my dad. It had been just the two of us since the day my mom walked out when I was three. It was tuff at first but when Kendall and I met our families practically merged into one. Mama Knight was like my mom, always taking care of me when I was sick and my dad was the one who, "threw the ball around" with Kendall. "And I sent him to get something to eat. He's looking as skinny as you kid."

"I'm thirsty," Dad got the water jug from the tray and held it up for me. I realized then how dry my mouth actually was and the nasty taste of morning breath became apparent. "Don't suppose you have a toothbrush with you, do you?" He gave me an "inside" smile and pulled out a travel tooth brush and toothpaste from his jacket pocket. "You are the best dad." I said grabbing the dental hygiene gear and headed to the bathroom.

Bushing my teeth gave me a minute to examine myself. I did look a little thinner and paler than normal. My hair was an absolute mess too, all tangled and knotted. I looked even worse than I had yesterday. Than the fears of yesterday came back, what if I had cancer? What if I had to do kemo? I pulled my hair back, trying to imagine what I would look like without my hair. _God, please don't let me have cancer. Please,_ I prayed silently. After relieving myself I went back out and laid back down on my bed.

"Hey I almost forgot I brought you this," Dad said tossing me a magazine.

"Vogue?" I asked before looking at it.

"What else?" he chuckled.

"You are the best," I said.

"I know," he said. His mood changed and he became more serious, "you know James its okay to be scared."

"I know," I said trying to sound confident but knowing I failed miserably. He sighed as he stared to mess with my hair again.

"You're not in this alone," he said reassuringly. But before I could say anything Dr. Wainwright came in followed by Sheryl.

"James," he said warmly "how are you feeling?"

"Fine," I said as he looked over his charts. I really hate when doctors do that, especially when the just nod. "So…."

"So your test results came back," he said looking up "It's not cancer."

"Well that's good," my dad said sighing in relief. To tell the truth so did I but what did that mean?

"Well yes and no," the doctor said like he was reading my mind "Yes it's good that it's not cancer but we still don't know what is wrong with James."

"What now?" I asked unsure if I even want an answer. Cancer was already ruled out but I couldn't shake the feeling that my life was about to be changed and I was scared.

"Well I would like to do a scope. Maybe see if we can see anything unusual," he said.

"You mean like look inside me?" I asked.

"Yes," he nodded "We just want to go in and see if we can actually see anything and maybe do a biopsy as well." They wanted to go inside of me, I couldn't wrap my head around that. It felt like an invasion of privacy. My dad spent the next ten minutes asking the doc questions about the procedure and Dr. Wainwright calmly reassured my dad and answered all his questions.

Something outside my door caught my attention when I looked I saw Kendall leaning against the wall across the hall. He was holding a Mountain Dew in one hand and a bag of Doritos in the other. He was still wearing the same clothes as yesterday, red plaid shirt was all wrinkled. His hair was a little messy and starting to get a bit greasy but somehow on him it worked. He looked really tired, his eyes had big dark circles under them. He finally noticed I was staring at him and gave me a tired smile.

"What's going on?" he asked when he walked into the room, his masculine smell hitting me as soon as he was in. I swear he smelled so good even when he didn't shower for four days and it made me crazy horny.

"I don't have cancer," I said. His whole face lit up and he looked from my dad to the doctor for confirmation.

"So James can go home?" he asked eagerly, looking like a little puppy as he waited for someone to throw the ball.

"Not yet," my dad said, "They want to do a scope and look inside of him." I literally think I heard Kendall's heart break. What I don't get is how he seemed to care so much about me but he is still with Jo, I swear he gave me emotional whiplash.

"Knock Knock," Mama Knight said as she popped her head in and literally knocked on the door frame before coming in with Carlos and Logan behind her.

"Hey guys," I said as Carlos jumped on the foot of my bed and Logan and Mama Knight went over and stood next to my dad and listened and the doctor explained everything to them. Kendall came over and sat next to me on the bed, laying his hand next to mine but didn't grab it. Logan seemed to understand everything the doctor was saying unlike the others who just nodded which is why I asked him to come with me again.

"Dude," he said "the doctor and his staff know what they are doing, you don't need me bud."

"But you are the smartest person I know," I begged "you will know if they are doing something wrong." I felt tears starting to fall down my face. I hated crying, I had cried too much when my mom left and it made me feel weak.

"Okay dude," he said grabbing my hand and giving me a tissue to whip my face.

"Thanks," I cried.

"Dude it's what best friends do," he said. Sheryl came in again and prepped me once again and she and Logan loaded me into a wheel chair and took me to the exam with Logan pushing the way. "So dude what is up with you and Kendall?"

"What?" I asked totally taken aback. My minded raced as I thought about what he may have seen and/or heard that would make him think something is wrong and what he might be thinking.

"Dude I'm not stupid," he said as we turned a corner, "You guys have been avoiding each other for like a month and when you aren't avoiding each other Kendall is making goo-goo eyes at you." So he had seen that, I wondered if anyone else had. "What happened? And don't you dare say "nothing."" Damn he knew me to well.

"I don't want to talk about it now," I said as we entered the elevator. I wasn't lying, I really didn't want the guys to know we hooked up.

"Ok," he said, "but if you want to talk I'm here." We didn't say anything as we rode the elevator and entered the exam room. They had me lay down on a chair were they put my feet up in stirrup things. I felt like I was about to be in some doctor fantasy porno. Logan stood up by my head so he wouldn't see anything he shouldn't, which I didn't care at all. We are guys, we have seen each other's junk on numerous occasions.

"Okay," Doctor Wainwright said as he snapped his gloves and picked up a long cord looking thing, "Now I am going to put this up, well you know, and the camera on the end will show us your insides. Now you just need to relax, okay?"

"Okay," I said. I clenched my eyes shut and gasped when I felt the cold probe enter my butt. I clenched Logan hand and he just let me squeeze as hard as I needed. It felt really weird as it wiggled its way up. It almost felt strangely good.

"Well that's odd," Dr. Wainwright said. My eyes shot open and I looked from him to the monitor. I couldn't really make anything out, I could only make out pink. I honestly didn't know how doctors could see anything.

"What," I finally asked. I was getting worried because Logan even looked shocked. I just wished someone would tell me I was ok and I could go back to my life and everything would be alright.

"I am seeing something I shouldn't," Doctor Wainwright said. He quickly took the probe out and took his gloves off. "Sheryl go get the new Ultrasound Machine, the new 3D one."

"Logan dude," I said desperately, "What is going on?" He was silent for a few minutes, staring at the now blank monitor. Finally he looked at me, his mouth wide open.

"Um I don't know dude," he said "I am not sure what I saw but it looked like a uterus."

"A WHAT?" I shouted. A fucking uterus? That was impossible! It couldn't happen. It was physically impossible. Right? Sheryl brought the machine in and set it up.

"Now this is the latest in Ultrasound Technology," Doctor Wainwright explained, "It actually allows us to zoom in and detect an embryo as early as four weeks. Now I need you to life up your shirt." I did what I was told and took a deep breath before he placed the cold gel on my washboard abs, well what used to be my washboard abs. I noticed that my stomach was a bit "rounder," no one would be able to notice but when you are obsessed with your abs as much as me you do.

He placed it on my stomach and started moving it around. We all stared at the monitor, watching, waiting for anything. Then there it was. Right there in front of me, on the monitor, was a small image of something that looked like a Sea Monkey without any arms or legs. I remembered from biology class what I was looking at. But it was impossible. There was no way in Hell it could really be what I thought.

"What is that?" I asked, my voice barely above a whisper. This had to be a joke. Logan and Carlos are playing some sick joke on me. Any moment Carlos and Kendall would come in laughing and saying how easy it is to trick me.

"That would be your baby," Doctor Wainwright said. And then right there everything changed.

"How is that possible?" Logan asking the question I was thinking. My hand had found its own way down to my stomach where this impossible baby was.

"I think I have a theory," Doctor Wainwright said "But I think it's best if we get your dad down here before I say anything more."

"Yeah," I said "Have everyone come down." Mama Knight and they guys are not going to believe this. He left Logan and I alone as he went to fetch them. Logan didn't say anything, just stared at the monitor with me. After fifteen minutes he returned with my dad, Mama Knight, Carlos and Gustavo and Kelly with Kendall bringing up the rear. Kendall. The father of my baby, I hadn't even thought about how he would take it.

"So what's wrong with my son?" my dad asked looking just as scared as I felt. Well not quite because he wasn't the first pregnant man in history! First the paper cut and now this, what's next?

"James is pregnant," he said totally serious. Everyone's mouth hit the floor.

"WHAT?" yelled Gustavo "James, as girly as he may seem, is a boy!"

"How is that possible," my dad asked coming over to me and took my hand.

"Is this a joke?" Carlos asked smiling thinking he figured it out. They continued like this for a while, all except for Kendall. He was staring wide eyed at me, his mouth was clenched shut and I thought he was gonna be sick.

"I think I have a theory," the doctor said making all of us, except Kendall, look at him, "I believe James is a hermaphrodite. There have been cases were men are born with female reproductive organs but in all those cases the organs were inactive. James would be the first one who had working organs. I would say he is about five weeks along." Five weeks? That was right. And I could tell Kendall was thinking the same thing.

"Wait," Mama Knight said "Woman have periods. As far as I know James doesn't."

"James?" Doctor Wainwright asked "Have you?" I had never thought of it before, but now that I think back on it I might have. I would bleed sometimes, but I never thought it was a period. I had thought I wiped too hard after I, well you know. And I did get moody but my grandma always attributed it to the full moon.

"Maybe," I said looking at all of them, "I just thought I wiped to hard you know?"

"Sooo," Logan said "Umm who's the father?" Everyone turned to look at me wanting the answer. Shit, do I name Kendall the father or keep quiet? Before I could say anything Kendall ran out of the room. Everyone stared after him, taking their attention off of me for a second, but only a second.

"Wait," Kelly said, "You won't tell anyone right, Charles? I mean we have to figure out how to tell people. The press is going to freak." Shit another think I didn't think about. How the hell are we gonna hide this? "plus we have James' privacy to consider too." She said shooting a glare at Gustavo who gave her a "what" look.

"You don't have to worry about that," the doc said "doctor/patient confidentiality and all that. And Sheryl here won't tell a soul," Well that is good, "But James I am going to want to see you every day for awhile. Your situation is unique and I want to keep an eye on you."

"Umm okay," I said "but what about Big Time Rush? We have a show to perform in a week."

"James we have more important things to think about than Big Time Rush," my dad said. Oh god don't make me quit the band. He can't do that.

"Well I don't see why you can't. But if you feel dizzy or sick at all you need to stop what you're doing and record it. Logan will help you with that, right?"

"Yeah sure thing dude," Logan said. He along with the others still looked totally shocked.

"So can we all please just go home?" Mama Knight asked, looking just as tired as I did. She must have been up all night worried about me. I was lucky to have all of them here, they were my family.

**KENDALL'S PROV**

I ran out of the examining room and out of the hospital and puked in the bushes. What the fuck just happened? James couldn't be pregnant! Especially not with my child! I mean come on, if anyone it should have happened with Jo, my GIRLfriend, not my best friend who I had a one night stand with. I mean I don't regret that we had sex, I don't. It was the best sex I had ever had, way better than any time I had with Jo. But James was well a dude! Maybe this was all a fucked up nightmare or maybe it wasn't mine. I pinched myself so this wasn't a dream and could I really even think that of James?

I took a couple of deep breaths and went back inside but I wasn't ready to go back to the others. So I wondered around the hospital aimlessly thinking about all this shit. Well if we had any chance of going back to where we had been before we had sex that was gone now, and what about Jo? Do I stay with her or do I break up with her? Wait does this mean James and I are together now? Could I be a dad? I am only fucking seventeen years old! FUCK!

I probably wondered around for forty minutes before I wound up in one of the gift shops. They had a bit of everything in there, magazines, pops, balloons, key chains, and a lot of stuffed animals. I picked up a yellow duck with orange feet and a cool little Mohawk. It was cute and it reminded me a bit of James. I took it up front and paid for it, then went to find the others.

I went back to James room where I found Logan and Carlos. Logan was sitting in a chair and Carlos was eating Fruit Smackers and playing with the bed. James came out of the bathroom wearing black jeans and a purple sweater over a black t-shirt, which made him look really hot.

"What's going on?" I asked. James looked over at me and smiled but it was obvious he was masking his pain and worry.

"I get to go home," James said, throwing something into a backpack. I noticed Logan shifted a bit in his chair and he looked a bit uncomfortable.

"So you never said who the father is," Logan stated. My heart jumped a bit and I my stomach did a flip. I locked eyes with him, I know he saw my fear. He just shook his head.

"It doesn't matter," he said looking away, but not before I saw his eyes swell up.

"Dude the jerk needs to know," Logan said, a little more sharply than I think he meant. James gave me a quick look but then looked back at Logan.

"I think he knows," James said "I want to tell him before I tell anyone else."

"Okay," Logan said dropping it for now, but I swear he shot me a look to. Maybe I am just being paranoid. James went over and sat on the bed to tie his shoes but he immediately turned pale and ran to the bathroom. I followed just in time to see him puking into the toilet. I immediately went over and knelt down next to him and held on to him for support.

"God," he moaned "I got a whiff of Carlos' candy and it made me sick." His dad and my mom came in and told us it was time to go. Doctor Wainwright gave James some vitamins that he had to start taking and we were on our way home. We stopped at the grocery story on the way home so mom could pick up some food. We all went in and James got sick five more times while we were there. But on the way home he found something he could eat.

"What's that smell?" he asked, sniffing the air in the car.

"Sorry," Carlos said rolling down his window "I didn't think anyone could smell that." And it did smell bad now that he mentioned it did reek but James shook his head.

"No something smells delicious," he says "and it's not the fart," he adds when all of us, including my mom and his dad, looked at him, "Something bacony and, and, cheddar."

"I didn't buy bacon," mom said. James unbuckled and started digging through the bags in the back.

"Ah ha!" he exclaimed turning around with a bag of dog biscuits.

"Oh yeah!" Carlos said "I got those for Lightening." I almost gagged when James ripped the bag open and took a bight out of one.

"Dude!" I said, totally grossed out but he just smiled and shoved three more in his mouth.

"They are the only thing I have been able to eat for a week!" James said, biscuit chunks falling out of his mouth.

"I remember when I was pregnant with Kendall I like baloney sandwiches with Oreos," mom said. Ok really pregnancy was really gross. We finally got home and all of us helped carry in the groceries, well except for James who was still eating the biscuits which earned him a lot of weird looks.

As soon as we returned to 2J James crashed on the couch. He looked so cute when he sleeping there holding on to the dog biscuits as if for dear life. I wanted to go over and just hold him, to let him know everything was going to be okay. But how could I? I didn't even know what I was going to do about Jo yet. And would James want my help?

Logan and Carlos had gone to show James dad the pool, Katie was off arguing with Bitters, and mom was putting the groceries away. "Hey mom?"

"Yeah?" she asked, glancing at me than returning to her task, "What's up?"

"We need to talk," I said, sitting down on one of the stools.

"Oh boy this sounds serious," she teased, not knowing how serious it actually was.

"It is," I said, trying to choose my words carefully, "It's about James."

"What about James?" she asked raising an eyebrow. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath.

"It'smine," I spat out really fast.

"What?"

"It's mine," I said more slowly, "The baby. It's mine." She dropped the jar of mayonnaise she was holding. Fuck.

"What?" she asked, "You and James?" I nodded "but what about Jo?"

"I am still with Jo," I explained "James and I were a onetime thing. It shouldn't have happened but I was drunk and he let me take advantage of him."

"When?" she still looked like I had slapped her.

"About five weeks ago. You and Katie were away and Logan and Carlos were camping at the beach. Jo and I had a fight and I got wasted and James came home and ya."

"God Kendall," she sighed "What the hell? Did I raise you better than that?"

"Mom I am not gay," I said, jumping up and going around the counter to comfort her, thinking I knew were this was going but I quickly learned I was wrong.

"Kendall I don't care if you are gay or straight," She said "I was talking about using people. Using your best friend!"

"I know," I moaned, running my hand threw my hair in frustration, "I feel awful about it."

"And you didn't use a condom?"

"Gee mom," I said rolling my eyes, "I didn't think I could knock him up."

"What are you going to do about Jo?" she asked leaning against the counter and crossed her arms.

"I don't know," I confessed.

"Well you need too," she said "It's not fair to Jo OR James." She was right. But the question is what the fuck is the answer? I had no fucking idea. She started cleaning up the broken jar and I went over to the coach were James still slept. Last night I had stayed up almost all night just watching him sleep. I was so scared I was going to lose him I just didn't want to let him go. Now I knew he wasn't dying I still didn't want to let him go, but could I be good for him? For the baby? Would he want me to be?

I knelt down next to him and gently placed my hand on his stomach were I imagined the baby to be. A baby, it was all too much to think about. James let out a little groan and rolled over, tossing my hand off. I grabbed the biscuits before they spilled. I set them on the counter and went to my room and got the duck then went back over to James and put it in his arms, which he immediately pulls it in to him. He looked so cute, and I knew that no matter what I decided I be there for James, my best friend, and for my child. But how?


	3. Chapter 3

At ten that night James was still sleeping so I picked him up bridle style and carried him to his room. Carlos was asleep so I didn't turn on the lights as I got James ready for bed. I was a little hesitant about undressing him but seeing as we had had sex and he is carrying my baby I guess it wasn't that big of a deal. So I got him changed into his grey wife beater and boxers, and pulled up the covers. He was still holding on to the duck he didn't know I had given him. I got a glass of water from the bathroom and sat it on his nightstand in case he needed it tonight, glanced at Carlos who was sleeping sprawled out and snoring heavily. Back in the living room my mom and James dad, Isaac, were sitting and drinking tea as they talked about what I had told my mom.

"Sit down Kendall," Isaac said, he looked like he was about ready to kill me, "We need to talk." I sat down across from both of them, waiting for someone to say something, anything is better than sitting in silence. "So Jennifer told me what happened."

"Look Mr. Diamond," I started before he interrupted.

"I don't want to hear it," he said putting up his hand "I am not sure what to think of this whole situation but I never expected this of you Kendall." Now he went from pissed off to pissed off AND disappointed. Great. "You used James. Didn't you think about how it would affect him emotionally?"

"I didn't mean to hurt him," I said defending myself again, "It was a stupid mistake."

"Yeah well it's a mistake," he agreed "You know James isn't a strong person. You know he hides his true feelings. You are the only one that he has ever been completely honest with and you betrayed that."

"I know," I said, the guilt starting to really set in, "I am so SO fucking sorry!"

"Watch your mouth," mom scolded.

"Sorry," I said.

"You don't know what I am feeling Kendall," Isaac said, "When you are a dad you want to protect your child from everything bad in the world but when you can't it kills you. One day you will know what I am talking about Kendall." He began crying and my mom put an arm around him. I wanted to say something but I felt like I had repeated myself to much. Nothing is more annoying than having someone continually apologizing.

"Listen," I said "I know what I did was wrong, and I know I hurt James. Nobody hates me more than I hate myself."

"Nobody hates you Kendall," Isaac said "We are just disappointed in you. God this wasn't supposed to be possible. James wasn't supposed to be able to get knocked up."

"Imagine how I feel," I mumbled, making my mom shoot a glare at me.

"No," she snapped "Imagine how James feels." Oh God she was right. What the fuck must he be thinking? He must be scared as shit. Not only is he prego but I know he must be thinking about the fucking press. Shit, what if they try and take James away and study him? Fuck. That can't happen.

"I need some air," I said getting up and leaving before anyone could stop me. I went down to the lobby and plumbed down on one of the couches. I don't know how long I sat there just thinking about all this shit when Jo came up behind me and wrapped her arms around my neck.

"Hi," she said kissing me.

"Hey," I said kissing her back, "Sup?" Do I tell her or not? Not. At least not now, I don't want to hurt her. I did love her, I really did. Shit this would have been so much easier if I had knocked her up.

"Not much," she said sitting down next to me and snuggling in "Just got back from the studio. I hate late nights."

"I hate when you have to do late nights," I said. She smiled at me and looked around the lobby then smiled devilishly at me.

"No one is here," she said pushing me down on my back and began straddling me, "I have always wanted to do it in the lobby."

"Oh yeah?" I asked teasing her.

"Yeah," she said leaning down to kiss me, "It would drive Bitters crazy if he found out." I was really turned on by this Jo, everyone thinks she is a prude but she loves to fuck in random places. Her favorite was Gustavo's desk. I slipped my tongue into her mouth, moaning into her mouth when she slipped her hand under my shirt. I needed this, I needed not to think about how fucked up my life had gotten for just a little bit.

I ran my hands up her sides and started playing with her breasts, she had really nice breasts, and she twisted my nipple making me give out a small cry. So that's how she wanted it to be? Okay than. I broke free from the kiss and rolled us over so I was on top and threw off my shirt before tearing open her jeans and yanking them down. She was wearing a red lace thong, her naughty girl panties I called them. I went down and kissed her again and moaned when she slipped her hand down my pants and started jerking me.

I broke the kiss and took out my wallet to retrieve the condom I kept there. I yanked her hand away and snapped open my pants, freeing my cock. I slipped the condom on and rammed myself into her wet pussy. She gave out a cry, of pain or pleasure I didn't really give a fuck.

"Fuck," I said as I continued to pound into her, "God!" I fucked her for a good forty minutes, I love my endurance, before I finally came. "FUCK!" I shouted. Jo laid under me, completely breathless and I got off her and slid off the couch, my pants still open.

"Wow," she said, sliding her hands down my chest, "you must have a lot on your mind."

"What?" I asked, shit did she know about James?

"Whenever you're worried about something you screw my brains out," she explained, "and that was AMAZING! Do you want to talk about it?" she placed a small kiss on my neck.

"Not really," I said, staring across the lobby at nothing really. How do I tell her I knocked up my best friend… my BOY best friend? I know she would want the same answer everyone else does, does this mean I am with James? I am not ready to answer that question because I just don't know.

"Well maybe you should zip yourself back up," she said pointing to my now limp cock. I tucked myself in and zipped up my pants.

"Jo," I said not sure how to ask this, "If I got you pregnant what would you expect me to do?"

"Umm that's random," she said sliding off the couch to sit next to me, "Where is this coming from?"

"No were," I said, "I was just wondering would you expect me to marry you or what?"

"I don't know," she said running her hands threw her hair, "It's not like we have to actually worry about it. I mean we are always really careful." True she was on the pill and we have NEVER had sex without a condom.

"But accidents happen," I countered. She gave me a strange look and looked a bit taken aback.

"Well," she said "I'm not ready to be a mother right now so I would probably just give it up for adoption. So you would be off the hook." Adoption? I hadn't even thought of that. We could give the baby up! We could go away and "visit a friend for nine months" and give the baby to a nice and loving home! That is perfect! No one would have to know about the baby or about James. God it really killed me thinking about all the shit James would go through with the press and doctors AND all our friends.

"Yeah I guess you're right," I said "I didn't think about that," I leaned in and kissed her "I think we should get going. It's kinda late." We got up and I walked her to the elevator were she presumed to kiss me. I said goodnight when we got my floor and went into 2J. James dad was crashed on the couch so I walked carefully to my room and went straight to bed.

**JAMES' POV**

I woke up feeling something soft and fuzzy in my arms. When I opened my eyes I saw I was holding on to a cute stuffed duck with a cool looking Mohawk and was curious as to where it came from. Carlos's bed was empty but I heard muffled sounds from the living room. I set down the duck and went straight to the bathroom. I took a quick shower, avoiding my Cuda products at all costs. I shaved my legs, pubs, and armpits, I mean come on, I don't think hair is sexy. Well at least not on me. When I was all done I stepped out of the shower, wrapped a towel around my waist, and examined myself in the mirror.

I still looked like me, great athletic physique, beautiful hazel eyes, great hair, but I had lost some weight, the stomach I thought I saw wasn't really apparent, I must have just imagined that, and I still had dark circles under my eyes. I imagine my washboard abs gone and being replaced with a large belly.

I couldn't believe I was pregnant. Why me? It wasn't part of the plan, it wasn't supposed to be an OPPTION for being part of the plan. I don't know what I am going to do, and I haven't even had a chance to talk to Kendall about all this yet. God what must he be thinking? What if he hates me?

"Hey man," Logan said leaning in the door that connected the bathroom and his and Kendall's room.

"Hey," I said "I didn't hear you come in." I looked back at my reflection and pushed my stomach out. Logan didn't move but just watched me for a second.

"How are you?" he asked "I can't even imagine what you must be feeling."

"Surprisingly I'm not that freaked," I said truthfully "I think it hasn't really sunk in yet."

"Dude you're the first pregnant boy, EVER! You're a medical phenomena!" he said, waving his hands in the air like he did when he got super excited. I relaxed, letting my stomach go back to its natural position and turned to face him.

"Do you think they're going to take me away?" I asked, tears starting to cloud my eyes. Logan came over and wrapped me in a hug and I started crying. "I don't want to be a freak Logan."

"Hey do you really think Kendall, Carlos, and I are gonna let them take you away?" he asked, holding firmly onto my shoulders and looking me in the eye. "Carlos would go hamlet crazy on their ass," I laughed a little at his joke, "and Kendall and I would rather die than let that happen." He took the handkerchief from his shirt pocket and whipped my tears away.

"Why the fuck did this happen to me? Why me?"

"Why did we become Big Time Rush? Why does anything ever happen to any of us? Sometimes things just happen and other times it happens for a reason." He said leading me to sit down on the tub and kneeling in front of me, "James you're not in this alone dude. You have us, you have your family."

"Thanks Logan," I said hugging him again, "I love you guys." One more than probably is good for me.

"We love you to," he said, "Now can we get some clothes on you? Cus you're in a towel and it's a little weird."

"Yeah okay," I laughed. I quickly changed into my lucky v-neck and a pair of jeans. I sat on my bed and combed my hair as Logan was reading a new book on Venus he got when I remembered the duck on my bed. Pointing to it I asked "Hey do you know where this came from?"

"Ummm no," he said glancing up, "I just noticed you with it this morning. It's not yours?"

"No," I said shaking my head, "In fact I remember falling asleep on the couch but when I woke up this morning I was in here with it."

"Maybe its Kendall's" he said walking over and picking it up, "I think he brought you to bed last night." Kendall? "Have you noticed that he's been acting really, um, well really strange?"

"No," I lied, well not really, "has he?"

"Dude," Logan said giving me a skeptical look, "You know I'm not stupid. What is going on between you two?" Shit, I should have known Logan would catch on to us. I thought about telling him but not now. Kendall and I need to talk about it first.

"I don't know," I lied, this time a full fledge "you're going to Hell for lying" lie, "Maybe he is just weirded out by me being pregnant." Bad lie, especially since Logan pointed out Kendall has been taking care of me. I grabbed a blue stripped hoodie and headed out of my room and right past my dad and the rest and headed down to the park.

I walked around for a bit watching the people live their lives. The Jennifer's were tormenting the newbies, Guitar Dude was strumming his guitar under a tree, and Tyler was hiding from his mom. They all seemed so happy, so carefree, the way I was forty-eight hours ago. It seemed so unlikely I would ever be that happy again.

"Hey James," Kendall yelled "Wait up! We need to talk." I turned around and saw him running towards me. He stopped when he got to me, hunching over to ketch his breath. When he looked at me he instantly looked worried. He pointed to my stomach and asked, "Are you ok?"

"What?" I asked, I looked down and saw what he was pointing to. I didn't even realize I was holding on to my stomach. "No I'm fine."

"Oh okay," he said, he looked around nervously, "Um lets walk." We walked around the park together for about fifteen minutes before he finally spoke. "How are you?"

"I told you I'm fine," I said.

"No, I mean with the whole," he looked around nervously again "you know?"

"How am I supposed to be Kendall?" I asked "I am the first pregnant guy and my best friend is the father."

"James," he said grabbing my arm and looking at me very apologetically.

"Don't," I said "right now I need to figure out what I am going to do."

"Well," he said hesitantly "I've been thinking about that." That sorta surprised me, "What if you give it up? I mean you can go away for awhile and have the baby than come back."

"What?" I snapped "You expect me to just go away and have your baby then pretend like nothing happened?"

"Shhh," he hushed "I didn't mean it like that. I was thinking about you. I don't want to have to go through all that shit when people find out about it." He actually looked really concerned, and my heart sorta melted a bit. Kendall always looked out for me but did I want to give up my baby?

"I don't know," I said, "There is just too much to think about."

"Yeah I know what you mean," he said, "I can't even bring myself to tell Jo." That was like a knife in the gut. I knew he's still with her. I mean why wouldn't he be? She is smart, pretty, talented, a girl, she's perfect. I could feel tears coming again, damn hormones! "Are you ok?"

"I'm fine," I lied, "I gotta go. We'll talk later." And I ran off.

**Okay I know it's been FOREVER! BUT I have a good excuse! I'VE BEEN IN EUROPE! I just got back a little while ago and I am trying to sit down and work on these stories and other projects as well. Yes I am writing my own book! Okay you know the drill, ME LOVES REVIEWS! 333333333**


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